Yesterday marked exactly one month since I swore in as a Peace Corps Volunteer. I’m not going to lie. I have faced a lot of difficulties and frustrations during my first month at post. It was a time when I finally for the first time realized and understood the challenges and frustrations that Peace Corps Volunteers expressed during their service. All throughout my training, I kept saying to myself, “Where are the frustrations people talk about? Where are the tears moment? Where are the angry and yelling fits moments?” I joined in Peace Corps knowing that I was going to have lots of slump moments. My training was a very smooth sailing ride except for the time when I got sick.

Once I arrived at the post, I felt like I was suddenly having to make a very steep climb on a mountain. I was saying to myself for the first time in service, “What the hell am I doing here?” There were moments when I was wishing to be transported back into the first world/western world just for a few hours. I did have a couple meltdowns where I just cried in front of my counterpart and in my bed. I was overwhelmed by the new environment, missing being surrounded by other volunteers from my group, missing certain food especially cheese, and tired of being sick. I had one thing after another. Shortly after fighting off typhoid fever and salmonella, I came down with a sore throat, fever and cough and then a cold and then intermittent stomach pains and a very bad headache and nausea.

As someone who lived the majority of my life in big cities and always loved living in the cities, I found myself to be very surprised by how overwhelmed I felt about Bamenda which is not a very large city and how much I missed living in a village, specifically Mengong. I’m sure it was because I could never find a map of the city, and I had to memorize all the routes very quickly. It was also likely because I didn’t know where to begin in finding all the essential items I needed for my apartment such as stove, gas and mattress.

I had moments where I got super angry and said to myself, “Wow! This is so not Rachel!” For instance, when I walk through an open market, some Cameroonians will grab my arm to get my attention and try to sell their items to me. For the first few days, I just ignored them and walked passed them. After a couple days, I screamed and said, “Leave me alone!” In Cameroonian culture, grabbing people’s arms is not seen as a physical abuse, which is opposite of how Americans would view the situation. Cameroonians love to touch people and see it as an affection.

When I had my low point moments, besides eating an usually high amount of cookies sent by my family and watching Frozen a few times, I pulled up a couple Tumblr blogs created by Peace Corps Volunteers that have nothing but animated gifs and quotes that tell exactly how the service goes for most volunteers. As I scrolled through the blog posts, I laughed and said, “OMG! I had that moment!” “OMG! This is me!” “OMG! I went through that.” It was so good to confirm that my experiences were normal and the blogs brought a smile to my face. Talking to other volunteers by phone and Facebook helped greatly.

On top of all, I just spent this past week in Yaounde due to needing to see a Peace Corps Medical Officer and take a lab test to make sure I still had no bacteria floating in my body. I was totally dreading about leaving my post and having my work interrupted. However, spending time in Yaounde where I did almost nothing but rest and talk to other Peace Corps Volunteers who have been in Cameroon longer than I have been truly recharged my battery. It made me realize how much I needed to decompress and the moments to talk to other volunteers and how helpful the conversations were. Their stories about their arrivals at post were so similar to mine. One told me about the moments she spent hours crying in her bed. Another told me about how unreasonably angry she got at a vendor for selling out koke. Another told me about how she had days where she just wanted to stay in bed, curl up and do nothing for the day. All the ones who have been in Cameroon for more than a year have consistently told me that the first year at the post is the hardest. We also talked about maladies, and I met a few who experienced spending several nights in the hospital due typhoid fever too and getting other maladies. I left Yaounde feeling very refreshed and saying, “I’m going to get through the next several months. I’m going to push through the frustrations and continue to be the best volunteer I can be.” I still would not trade my new job for my old job. Facing challenges is truly more exhilarating than sitting at a desk all day and being on the computer.

My lab test results came out negative, and I’m now feeling very healthy. Please keep your fingers crossed that I will stay well for awhile so that I can focus on my work. In spite of many negative moments, I’ve had many positive moments. I have finished creating a Community Needs Assessment survey and started interviewing people. I attended a conference. I talked on a couple radio shows. In fact, when I was in Yaounde and met a Peace Corps Volunteer who is posted in the Northwest too and she learned my name, she said, “Are you the one who has talked on the radio?”

“About disability.”

“Yes. I heard you speaking on the radio.”

Wow. So cool.